well, this first post from croatia wont be much, since i am up way past my bedtime already. my bedtime has been about 9pm each night because i managed to catch the flu right before my trip, and it came on in full force on the flight! i arrived monday afternoon and i've been going to work since tuesday but pretty much crashing directly after. today was the first day that i felt energetic and back to myself. zagreb is really intriguing -- the history, the architecture, the mentality -- but more interesting by far are the stories of the lives of people who have lived here through the past 15 years. i am lucky to have a good buddy/colleague here who i've worked with before, who has been telling me about life here during the war and how much has changed with this first generation of children growing up in a capitalist world. its fascinating, and its why i came here. to learn more about the balkans and try to make sense of the complicated history myself. to learn what you dont learn in books.

i'm eager to get out and see more of the country, too. after my work stint ends, on april 7, my buddy and i will drive down to his family's house on the coast, near split. touring southern croatia with a croatian will be an experience, and i'm really excited. it should be warmer by then, and i'll get to see what croatians adore so much about their country -- the coast. starting on monday i will be working for 9 days straight without a break -- but, thats why i came here too. or rather, that is what enabled me to come here. so, more to come. but for now my energy is back although i really must go to sleep. the work part of my trip is intense, and i hope i'm doing a good job at it. days are flying by here somehow.

more to come, i promise.

i am thinking about re-starting this as a travelogue now that i'll be spending three weeks working on croatia. i have fond memories of detailing my travels when i was going all over the place. i'm not sure though, becuase i dont know who still reads this or who is still on livejournal. i'd like to kickstart my blogging a bit with this trip, but we'll see if i do or not...

i just returned to nyc after being in dc for the inauguration. i spent the past three days in the city that used to be mine. this week, it was everybody's town. i reveled with two million of my closest friends and neighbors on the mall today for the inauguration. it was frenetic, freezing, crowded, stressful and ultimately exhilarating. i am exhausted and spent, but positive and hopeful and optimistic for the first time in a long time. i feel like the country really, really needed this. the past few days are such a blur, filled with farflung family and close friends, that it will be awhile before i can really reflect and write a coherent message about the weight of this time for me. i feel spirited for not letting the talk of millions of people talk me out of going to dc for this. i see the footage on tv and i cant believe that i was actually there, in that mess and maze of people, at this particular moment in time, next to the washington monument. it has been a good, good day.

fingers and toes crossed, people.....fingers and toes!!

i'm feeling a bit like a spinning top, but in a good way. just finished a week of work at the frankfurt book fair in germany. while frankfurt is likely my least favorite city in germany, and i was a little bit down on going there specifically, there is still something so invigorating and exciting (to me) about being in europe, and it had been a year since i had been back (to europe or germany. this year i focused my travels on latin america). i took a day trip to cologne, saw one of the most beautiful cathedrals in the world, rented a bike and rode by the rhine and took it all in. i didnt have much free time in frankfurt, it was mostly all about work and the book fair, but i managed to enjoy some of the clear crisp autumn days there.

i'm back in nyc for three days, then heading to barcelona to meet up with my folks for a few days, and have a day or so on my own. then i fly straight to denver for work for the rest of the week, conveniently putting me back in nyc on halloween. i am eager to spend some fall time in new york, and am doing so in november -- friends of mine are renting a lodge upstate that is owned by kate pierson of the b52s that i've always wanted to go to. its a busy time, and i'm enjoying it (well, besides the jetlag part).

i'll try to post from barcelona -- i am planning on falling in love and like a giddy school girl i'm sure i'll want to share.

even at my most avoidest and escapist,  i can not recover from the pervasive feeling of gloom and doom. i am sickened by the state of the economy. i am sicked by the gross fiscal mismanagement that is personally affecting my family, my boyfriend, my friends, and myself. i am sickened by this newfound feeling of financial insecurity and instability, on both a personal and macro level. i am sickened, to the core, by the appointment of sarah palin as vp, and instead of feeling gleeful at how easily she is hanging herself with the rope she has been given, i feel offended at the ideologies behind the ill-advised decision to offer this position to somebody only qualified by virtue of having a vagina. i am sickened to live in a country on a verge of a second depression that still may vote in the guy whose party is largely responsible for this mess. i am sickened that, with the failures of these institutions, it is not the well paid analysts who are shafted so much as the lower-level employees -- the cooks, porters, secretaries, etc -- who made these places run, who gave their time, who were often paid largely in stocks and who are now without jobs, without severance, without stocks worth a thing. i am sickened that it has, indeed, come to this. 

i feel unsettled. i'll be able to indulge my avoidest tendencies for the rest of the year, where i'll be in germany, spain, denver, new hampshire, las vegas, washington dc and finally florida for the holidays. in germany and spain i'll be interested to see how the international media covers our fall down the economic rabbit hole. i am reminded of a simpsons episode, where homer shouts repeatedly "you'll get your comeuppance"! it seems that apparently, we are.

after all this talk of guatemala, i figured i should post the pictures from the trip: http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=d2equy2.bseru2d6&x=0&y=-g6wk36&localeid=en_US

enjoy!

one of the greatest things that ben and i did in guatemala was ride horses through the mountains around lake atltlan to a private beach. i do not often ride horses, typically only if somebody else (sarah) is coercing me to do it. i am always happy in the end that i did it, but never the first to suggest it. in this case, b. is even less of a horseback rider than i am, but it seemed like a great way to see the areas around the lake. it ended up being terrific -- a beautiful day to ride through mountains and brush, and the views of the lake along the way were stunning. along the way we saw a lot of corn fields, ubiqitous throughout guatemala, as well as banana, lemon, orange, apple and avocado trees. we had to leave the horses at the top of the hill and hike to the private beach, which had black volcanic rock in place of sand.

what made the trip especially memorable was the conversation i had with our guide about the current state of guatemala, post-civil war, and the rapid changes that guatemalans -- particularly the indigenous -- are facing. this was after my last day of spanish lessons, so my comprehension was much better than it would have been two weeks prior, and because he spoke slowly i understood about 95% of what he was saying, which i am very proud of because it was a great conversation. this is why i have wanted to travel to guatemala for so many years, to talk with people and learn more about the effects of the civil war, which just ended 12 years ago. he talked about how much of the peace accords has really happened on paper, but not in reality. there is certainly less explicit violence, but the tension between the indigenous and the mestizos remains, and the government is still ruled by mestizos, without much opportunity for the mayans. the government is corrupt on all levels, and easy access to arms (if you have the money, you can get anything you want) makes guatemala a country with an extremely armed populace, with the high death statistics attributed to guns to prove it.

we talked a lot about the shift among the indigenous people from community to a more capitalist system, where education is used as a way to elevate somebody above somebody else and communal bonds are breaking down. my guide fears that the over 25 indigenous languages will be wiped out as young people choose to learn spanish instead, in order to get jobs and communicate with others. it is interesting, because my spanish instructor comes from the same indigenous community as my guide, and told me that she speaks the tzutujil dialect with her friends and family, the quiche dialect with her mom, and learned spanish in school (although is still learning). however, she can not communicate very well even with the next town over, because of the differences in dialect. she also had not traveled much out of san pedro, even to towns less than an hour away. a different way of life, certainly. she is starting to use the internet and just got an email address, and here is a woman who has barely traveled to the next town over and certainly never to some of the larger towns in the area. so, her local dialect is very important to her family and their means of communication, but it does deliberately cut off the community from even the other indigenous people around the lake. the guide fears that eventually these languages and traditions will start to disappear.

we discussed other things -- the education system, the meaning of religion and god to guatemalans, the effects that pesticides are having on this largely agricultural society that used to use organic proceses of cultivation. he seemed very grateful that i was so interested in learning about guatemala and listening to what he had to say, and i in turn was grateful that we were able to communicate, and reminded me of one of the main reasons i wanted to learn this language. now that i am back, i am going to find a spanish tutor for more one-on-one lessons, and even joined the local spanish language meet-up. i am hoping to do another spanish immersion program, perhaps in the next year or two, but we'll see what happens. for now i want to hold on to what i learned and continue to use it to learn.

i am sitting in the computer lab at the school, which is pitch black and silent as a grave. it is weird how empty this place becomes at night. i know there are other students staying here, but hardly see them after class ends. the heat lightninig keeps lighting up the sky and illuminating the volcano in a way that seems otherworldly. seeing this, you understand why the mayans saw divinity in nature.

i am waiting for ben to arrive. he unfortunately flew through miami in the middle of the tropical storm, and was delayed for 6 hours. he should be here in an hour, and i just returned from a lovely day of sightseeing, studying and hanging out with friends. i will get to that, if time permits, but what i want to write about is my visit to volcan pacaya yesterday. pacaya is the only active volcano close to antigua, although there are other active volcanos throughout the country. i booked a trip through a local travel agency, and was packed into a van on a pull-out seat that flipped to the right every time the van rounded a corner quickly. this happened at pretty much every turn, since the driver drove like a bat out of hell. i almost fell into the lap of the guy sitting next to me more than once, and i do not how we made it to the volcano alive. the minute we reached the entrance to the hike, we were beseiged by guatemalan children selling walking sticks. they were so insistent that they were able to annoy many of the tourists into buying them, which is how it works i suppose. i went stick-less and was fine. the hike was about an hour and a half up, and started very steeply. it eventually leveled out a bit, and there were a lot of rest stops along the way. the guides even brought horses as taxis for people who decidedly half-way through that they could not handle the trip up.

i dont know what i was expecting. i think my idea of volcanos is similar to what little kids draw -- pointy mountain, fire bursting out of the top. the volcano was emitting sulfur smoke out of the top, something i failed to adequately capture on film. the most amazing part was when we reached the lava fields surrounding the volcano and climbed over the slippery rocks. unlike a childs drawing, there were many places in the volcano where fire was either coming out or just directly below the hot rocks, boldly visible through the gaps. it was incredible. people much smarter than i actually thought to brought marshmallows to roast, and those people became my new heros. i think the volcan pacaya guides could really launch a successful small business if they opened a marshmallow stand at the top of the volcano. i think i took some good pictures of the black lava fields, contrasting against the green hills surrounding the volcano. we hiked up in the afternoon, so it grew dark by the time we were walking down. again, people smarter than i brought flashlights, and i befriended those people. yesterday was one of the few days that did not rain in the afternoon, so we got very lucky. climbing down in the rain at night would have been treacherous.

i have met some really interesting people while i have been here. it is unique having the connection come from a desire to learn a foreign language. it is useful to get other peoples perspectives on how their classes are going. more than once i have regretted not doing a homestay for the extra practice and home-cooked meals. usually this goes feeling subsides and i am happy with what i decided to do. you hear both positive and negative stories, and it really is luck of the draw. i have decided to find a spanish tutor when i return to nyc, instead of taking a class, because the one-on-one approach is so helpful and necessary.

ben should have landed ten minutes ago, which means he should be here in about an hour. tomorrow we are taking a bus to san pedro de laguna, the town on lake atitlan where we will be staying for the next week. i have another week of spanish, and in the afternoons will boat between the other little towns on the lake, visit a nature preserve, go to central americas biggest market and hopefully learn more spanish. i will try to make it through this post without mentioning again how annoyed i am for not doing this for three weeks, to really reinforce what i am learning. you take what you can get.

there is a cadre of mosquitos attacking me in the computer lab and i am dramatically out-numbered, so i am going to wait for ben in my room. so much more to tell....

one of the reasons i wanted to visit guatemala all those years back is because i studied guatemala for my senior thesis in grad school. i focused mainly on mayan villages in the western highlands of guatemala, and the impact that leapfrog technology was making on the lives of the villagers, particularly the women. it has been a long time since i have revisited that research, and much of it may have been wiped out in the Great Macbook Crash of July 2008. i wondered if i would be disappointed when i was here that i was not spending more time in these villages, although the pueblas i will be staying in next week on lake atitlan are technically in the highlands and are predominantly mayan. but, there are many mayans living in antigua - the women in their colorful dress and swaddled babies, selling food and wares, carrying objects on their heads. i, who has little grace and walks briskly with misguided purpose, or so i like to think - could never succeed in balancing something on my head, much less using this as a realistic means for transporting things. it is a unique skill and pretty interesting to see a group of women walking down the street in this manner. in the pueblas i am visiting next week, many of the people do not speak spanish, but one of the multiple mayan dialects instead. i am really looking forward to hearing the different language, and it should be an enlightening comparison with antigua.

finishing up my second full day in antigua. class #2 was very intense and exhausting, good but frustrating since i now have a sense of what it would take for me to really master spanish. my professor really understands the craft of teaching a second language, and i am learning from talking to others here that this is not the case with every instructor. he has a blend of different exercises and activities that are really effective. being around people who speak nothing but spanish is certainly helping my brain remember that it can comprehend this language, or parts of it, and i keep wondering where in the deep recesses of my mind did i file away the past tense conjugation of the verb for to return or the word for table. sometimes i will hear a word or phrase that i used to know that seems to come from some distant fog, like when you awake after a drunken night to vaguely remember what was said. it is frustrating in that same intangible way.

so, i have a lot of studying ahead of me. luckily, or not, i havent really met many people here to distract me from my studies. it is funny how similar making friends can be to dating. i met one girl my first day here who i liked immediately, and we have run into eachother for the past couple of days. we tentatively decided to maybe possibly try to get a drink later on, nothing set-without phones, it is somewhat difficult to make plans. i ended up telling her my room number, and am sort of hoping like a schoolgirl that she will come by, although in reality i am not spending much time in my room and probably wont be there if she drops by anyway. strangely enough, my school seems to shut down around 6 or 7, and when i return here each night everything is dark and silent. not as much like a college dorm as i expected, but i am enjoying myself.

i went on a tour of the ruins around antigua that was organized by my school after class today. the ruins are pretty amazing, even when viewed in a downpour. the mornings here are clear, cool, sunny and beautiful, an idyllic way to start the day. then gradually the clouds and thunder and rains come. even soggy, the ruins were well worth it. i crawled around in a 16th century crypt beneath a destroyed church, climbed into what used to be a prison beneath a franciscan monk monastery, and wandered through the remains the panateria where the monks would make bread to sell in the square. the clouds and fog that forms around the volcanos makes the city feel even more romantic than it does when it is clear.

and so tonight, i study. unless i meet up with my friend crush, i am off to grab some coffee in a dark corner in a cafe down the street. i have a date with irregular verbs. the volcano trip tomorrow was cancelled, so i have to find a way to do that either friday or saturday morning. i am certain that i will find other ways to entertain myself in guatemala.

well, it took me 6 years to get here, and now i might not ever leave. antigua is enchanting. i am using the computer lab at my school, which overlooks one of the three volacanoes that surround antigua. i just saw a dim flash of lightning in the clouds. i am really happy with my choice of schools, not just because of the birdseye view of the volcano through the window in my room or anywhere else on the school grounds, but that certainly doesnt hurt. the entrance of the school, like most places in antigua, is behind a large, imposing wooden door and a high wall, but inside it is a maze of outdoor and indoor verandas, built around a large couryard that is serves as the classroom. in the mornings the courtyard is dotted with several single wooden tables and chairs, with instructors dressed formally in suits and ties, and students dressed like, well, students. this is the first session of class, from 8 til 12. the place starts getting rowdy around 730, with students and teachers alike wandering around, talking, setting up. then class starts, and everybody retreats to their own patch of space, to immerse themselves in individual spanish worlds with their instructors. the minute the clock strikes 12, however, music starts playing and every last person, except for me and my instructor, clears out. i had no idea that in choosing to study for 5hrs a day instead of 4, i would be outside of the norm. the last hour was nice, having the entire courtyard to my meager spanish attemps, although by 1 my head felt like it was going to explode. some people opt to take the 1 to 5 classes, since it rains often in the afternoons, but i like having class first thing in the morning.

so far i like my instructor, who seems very educated and patient, although i caught him looking bored a couple of times. it was tiring having to concentrate so intensely for 5 hours straight. i was happy that i understood most of what he was saying, and we broached topics ranging from how chileans regard indigenous people and the horrific recent guatemalan history to the US presidential elections. of course, he was speaking at the rate of a retarded child, so it was not all that difficult to understand him if you knew the words. based on the written assessment that i took, i am at a medium comprehension level. however, the holes in my spanish are abundant, and i am much better at writing it than speaking it. we identified areas to work on and i have a lot of practice and studying ahead of me. it annoys me that i have forgotten things that i knew completely a few years back and i wish i had continued then so i would be at a better level now....ce la vie.....i spent the afternoon studying in a beautiful colonial era mansion that was turned into a bakery and cafe, in a courtyard filled with flowes and birds, that dflo recommended-thanks d!

there went another flash of lightning, only this one much brighter than the last. this is the rainy season in guatemala, and i experienced my first dose of it about 30 minutes into my first walk around town yesterday. the sky went from pale blue to cloudy, then pouring rain, in less than five minutes. i camped out under an awning across from an open air church that looked and sounded like a music hall, and waited it out. i learned my first guatemala lesson: never go anywhere without an umbrella, because it rains here a lot. today, however, was beautiful all day, a rare dry summer day in the guatemalan highlands.

i am taking pictures of everything and anything. i think i have seen few towns as picturesque. i was a bit worried, based on what i read, that antigua would feel overrun with tourists, but it definitely is not the case. there are tourists, of course, given the abundance of spanish schools here. but this is a living, breathing town, steeped in its own culture and history, and it feels squarely guatemalan. people live their lives and exist, and the tourists are window dressing. they are here, but escapable if you so desire.

the lightning is much closer and vivid now. tonight, i am going to go study and then watch bad cable tv as a reward. tomorrow after class i am doing a walking tour organized by my school to visit some of the ruins around antigua, and on wednesday i am going to hike the pacaya volcano, which is active. i am so happy that i finally came here and did this. besides wishing i had a lot more than 2 weeks, i am feeling pretty content and relaxed. more to come about my guatemalan adventure.....

so, on top of my guatemala trip in august, i just booked a brief trip to barcelona at the end of october. my parents are taking a cruise that leaves from barcelona, so they are flying over a few days earlier to explore the city and i decided to meet them there. i've never been to spain, found a reasonable direct flight there, and even a 4-day stay there seemed worthwhile to explore a foreign country with my folks. plus, i'll get to use those spanish skills i will have strengthened (hopefully) in guatemala. and, on top of spain, i'll also be in germany for a week in mid-october for work.

so, i am trying hard to be the most traveling-ist person that you know! after some down-time travel-wise, i am really excited about these trips and hopeful for others on the horizon. i am off to plan my next adventure.

in 2003 while pursuing my international affairs masters degree i focused a lot of on guatemalan history, culture, and (then) current economic development. i moved guatemala to the top of my list of places i wanted to travel to, and then realized that my goal of doing a spanish immersion program would be ideal in guatemala, where there is an overabundance of language schools. i always figured i'd find the time to take 3 or 4 weeks off to do the spanish program. but, things happen -- work, life, other priorities, other trips, other boys, other goals, other other other. i knew that my work was pretty open to taking time off for this sort of thing -- perhaps unpaid, or otherwise on my own time -- but not an impossible feat to take a few weeks off. i'd get around to it someday.

a lot has happened since 2003. i moved up in my career, started traveling the world professionally and personally, lived a good, if at time tempetuous, life in washington dc, moved to nyc, changed job descriptions, fell in love, explored nyc, moved again, traveled some more. something happened this year though. i started to feel stagnant, as though i wasnt dedicating enough time to developing my skills or pursuing different skill sets. guatemala had been on my to-do list for 4-5 years, and during this time i had watched not one but two of my friends do spanish immersion programs that i encouraged them to pursue in guatemala. this year, i finally decided i was either going to finally do this thing -- or i was going to take it off of my life-long to-do list. after all, if i had really wanted to do this, wouldnt i have found the time at some point?

after much deliberation and soul-searching, i decided to do it. i had to shorten the trip from the original ideal -- two weeks instead of 3-4. this is in part because i just returned from a week-long trip to peru, as well as the fact that i couldnt really swing a month away from work and pay, and didnt relish the thought of being away from ben for that long when we've had such a hard time being in the same place at the same time for the past few months. plus, i realized i have a week of comp time that i can use, so i'm only taking a week's worth of time off.

so after more years than i care to admit, i FINALLY bought tickets to guatemala for august 17-september 1. i'll spend one week taking spanish in antigua, and then ben will join me for a week where we'll spend time at lake aticlan and then hit another city where i'll spend another week taking one-on-one spanish classes. i'm so excited! i could use a real break from work, i need some time to clear my head and i'm thrilled at the prospect of traveling internationally for the first time with ben. i've been focusing on my own professional development this year in other areas as well, so that i can be better poised to eventually change career paths. now that i dont travel as often for work, it is important for me to find ways of doing this on my own time/dime. plus, you know i like to always be the one with the most exciting travel life :)

on another note, if you're interested in seeing my peru pictures, go here:

i was smiling when i learned earlier this week that mark kozelek, in his sun kil moon iteration, has a new album called "april" out. i was smiling as i downloaded it today while working from home. i found myself smiling even before i pushed "play" on the first track. i'm listening to it and i'm still smiling. i've been varying in my musical tastes lately, catching up for lost time with older artists, with little contemporary music thrown in the mix. just this week i joined 2008 and bought the new raconteurs, a jan lekman album, and now sun kil moon. but its the sun kil moon that propels me back in time, back even to when i discovered my love for the red house painters,  back to when i wondered what else i would want to listen to as much as kozelek's soothing, evocative lyrics....listening to his voice is like catching up with an old friend. we may not always have time for each other, we may get distracted by life, but there is something wonderfully familiar and lovely and even bittersweet when we have the chance to meet again.

 it seems i only use livejournal to discuss traveling or to solicit opinions on  technology.
since i did the former last week, here goes the latter.
i'm looking for a cheap pc laptop - no bells and whistles, just your everyday computer that runs, hooks up to the internets and does not have windows vista (which leaves out any new dells. and please dont suggest i buy a new dell and install xp myself -- i want this computer because i'm tired of trying to get my old dell to work). 
for those keeping track, i am happy with my new mac. this would be a second household computer.
i'm looking to spend around $500. any suggestions on places i can buy from? or any deals you know of?
i would consider a cheap desktop as well, but have found that when you include the monitor they are at least $500.
thanks for any wisdom you can impart....

my travel restlessness has kicked into high gear. recent trips to new orleans and orlando helped to abate my winter blues, and now i'm moving forward with more 2008 escape plans. i just booked my peru trip for june, with my friend who i travel with every year. i'll be going to santa fe, new mexico for work at the end of the month and will be in los angeles and seattle in may for a mix of work and play. in october i'll be meeting my parents for a few days in barcelona, and then meeting one of my best friends in southern spain. belgium, germany and guatemala are also possibilities --germany a definite if i'm still with my current job, and belgium looking likely as a stop beforehand. i'm trying to work on my spanish this year, which the peru, spain and possible guatemala trips will help with. dreaming of trips and more trips...winter does this to me.

capitalize on my wanderlust now and invite me to your city. i just may show up!

i spent last weekend in the dirty south, visiting friends in new orleans, and am returning to the dirty south this weekend. well, i'm not sure if florida counts as the dirty south. it is geographically southern, and at times physically and consciously dirty. and the similiarities between the swamp, fried food, warm weather, southern hospitality, alligators and flora/fauna certainly make florida and louisiana closer cousins than say, idaho and new jersey. my roundabout point (does she actually have a point?) is that i'm really looking forward to traveling southbound two weekends in a row. i've been needing a nyc break -- a break from the winter, a break from the attitude. give me warm weather and laid back people! apparently you can take the girl out of the south, but....